South Park's Darkest Hour
by Walter Bryan Cranston White
Summary: A UFO comes to South Park and everyone is panicking, PC Principal and Jimmy work together to rid the world of ads and what happens to Stan and Kyle's friendship when "The Truth" is revealed?


It was detention.

Nelly, Cartman and Butters were in the cafeteria being watched by PC Principal.

Nelly: I still can't believe fat ass framed us for assisting him with vandalising Kyle's locker.

Butters: I know. Eric, why can't you just let Kyle be happy?

Cartman: Because I refuse Butters. I refuse.

PC Principal: Alright you three. I really need you to be quiet, because it's detention.

Suddenly the ground started to shake.

Butters: Huh?

As the ground shook, a glass of water from PC Principal's desk fell onto the floor breaking.

PC Principal: What is going on?

Than PC Principal, Nelly, Butters and Cartman were knocked down by something powerful.

Broflovski residence.

Kyle was knocked out on the floor and woke up when Ike was kicking him.

Kyle: Ow. I'm up Ike.

Ike: Oh you're not dead. Brilliant.

Kyle: What happened?

Gerald: I don't know. Maybe an earthquake.

Shiela: Ike, Kyle! You ok?

Shiela started hugging Kyle and Ike.

Kyle: Mom, we're fine.

Ike: What the hell happened?

Kyle wriggled his way out of the hug and looked outside the window.

Kyle: Oh my God.

Testaburger residence.

Sean was knocked to the floor.

Sean: Jesus Christ.

Sean got up.

Sean: Wendy! Stan! You two alright?

Wendy: Yeah Dad. Thanks.

Stan: What happened? An earthquake?

Sean: Possibly.

Wendy opened the curtains.

Wendy: I think it's something worse. Look outside.

Stan: Why?

Wendy: Just look.

Stan looked outside the window.

Stan: Oh my God!

McCormick residence.

Stuart and Carol were knocked to the floor.

Stuart: Are my children alright?

Carol: I think so.

Stuart and Carol get up.

Stuart goes to the fridge.

Stuart opens the fridge and inside was a lot of bottles of beer.

Stuart: Oh thank God they're alright.

Carol: You alcoholic piece of shit!

Carol hits Stuart.

Stuart and Carol get into a fight.

Carol: No good son of a bitch!

Stuart: Whore!

Carol: Prick!

Stuart: Slut Whore!

Meanwhile Kenny and his sibling were in the living room and they were lying on the floor.

The siblings got up.

Kenny: Ow my fucking head.

Karen: I think my head hurts.

Karen started to cry.

Kenny started to hug Karen.

Kenny: It's ok. It's ok.

Kevin was looking out of the window.

Kevin: Boy I really need to lay off the booze.

Kenny: Huh?

Kenny went to look out of the window.

Kenny: What the fuck is that?

South Park elementary.

PC Principal got up after being knocked out.

PC Principal: Are you children alright?

Cartman, Nelly and Butters were on the floor.

Nelly: What happened?

Butters had his face on Nelly's chest.

Nelly: Butters? Could you get off my chest?

Butters: A little longer?

Nelly rolled her eyes.

Cartman got up off the floor

Cartman went to look outside the window.

Cartman: Jesus. They must be here to put something up my ass again!

PC Principal: Huh?

PC Principal looked outside the window to see a UFO as big as the one from Independence Day.

PC Principal: Oh no!

They go outside.

Cartman: Hey aliens! If you're gonna stick something up somebody's ass, please let it be Butters.

Butters: No. I don't want anything stuck up my butte hole.

Cartman: Who knows, maybe Nelly might stick something up your butt hole.

Nelly punched Cartman.

Cartman: Ow!

Testaburger residence.

Stan: Jesus Christ!

Sean: Are they friendly?

Stan: Maybe. Last alien I've encountered I stabbed in the neck and it survived. So I don't know about this one.

Wendy: Weren't there aliens that stuck something up Cartman's ass?

Stan: Yeah. But I haven't encountered them in a while.

Sean turns on the TV.

Announcer: _This is channel 5 news. With Tom Pusslicker_

Tom: _Good afternoon. Shocking reports of an alien spaceship floating up in South Park. The police are trying to handle the situation_

We cut to the town hall where Yates, Mitch and BarBrady were trying to calm down a crowd.

BarBrady: Alright people nothing to see here. There is no ginormous spaceship floating above us.

Stephen Stotch: Do you think we're retarded?!

Yates: Um. Yes.

Mayor McDaniles arrived.

Mayor McDaniles: Alright people. I know you are all alarmed by the giant spaceship floating above us, but we don't know if it's friendly or a foe. The best we can do is wait for... hold on my phones ringing.

Mayor McDaniles picked up her phone.

Mayor McDaniles: Hello?...You want my permission for a live recording?...Well permission granted.

Tom: _We just got word that the mayor has given the aliens permission to give out a live recording. Let's hear it._

Stan: I hope they're friendly.

Voice: _Awkward!_

Stan and Wendy stood in shock.

Stan: No. It can't be.

Voice: _Awkward._

Wendy: I thought it was destroyed.

Sean: What?

Broflovski residence.

The Broflovskis were watching the TV.

Voice: _Awkward!_

Kyle: I thought I destroyed it.

Voice: _Awkward!_

Gerald: Oh hey it's Funnybot. I wondered what happened to that funny son of a bitch.

McCormick residence.

Kenny, Karen and Kevin were watching the TV.

Funnybot: _Awkward!_

Kenny: No! No!

Karen: Kenny?

Kenny started hugging Karen.

Kenny: You're too young.

South Park Elementary.

Cartman, Nelly, Butters and PC Principal were watching the TV.

Funnybot: _Awkward! Awkward! Wait, is Amy Schumer still alive? Hold on give me sec...Shit she's still alive. Awkward. Forget it, I'll just continue to be threatening. Awkward! Awkward! Awkward!_

Cartman: Oh fuck!

PC Principal: I always found Funnybot's comedy to be senseless.

Butters: What are we gonna do?

PC Principal: You three need to get home right now!

Butters: Yes sir.

PC Principal: I need to check on some things.

PC Principal left the students.

Nelly: We have to do something.

Cartman: Guys. There's nothing I can do.

Butters: You sure Eric?

Cartman: No. I just don't wanna do anything.

Nelly: Oh fuck you!

Meanwhile.

Inside the spaceship.

Funnybot Pryor: When shall I send out the Funnybot drones?

Nathan: I say we should so we can execute Jimmy.

Mimsy: Yeah boss! I can't wait for Jimmy to get what's coming to him after he made you get raped by that shark.

Nathan punches Mimsy.

Nathan: Shut up Mimsy! Don't humiliate me in front of Funnybot.

Funnybot Pryor: You got raped by a shark? Awkward.

Clyde (Regular): Do I have to shut up?

Clyde (Evil): Sorry. Please don't say a word.

Clyde (Regular): Ok

Trent Boyett: Why is Clyde here?

Nathan: Because he has an evil persona inside him.

Chrostophe (Ze Mole): I can't wait to destroy South Park and all of iz's cock sucking assholes.

Scott: My little bro and South Park are gonna pay.

Gregory: Is this all your complaining about? All I'm hearing from all of you is, I can't wait to destroy this and can't wait till he or she is dead? I mean really?

Nathan: What? It's all we can talk about we can't help it.

Funnybot Pryor: Can I unleash the Funnybots?

Gregory: Sorry Funnybot Pryor.

Funnybot Pryor: Why?

Gregory: There's not gonna be a Funnybot massacre at all. My boss just needed your technical skills to make this spaceship, but he didn't expect you to make a Funnybot army. So sorry for the disappointment.

Funnybot Pryor: Awkward.

Gregory: Right now. My boss is waiting for a special guest. A certain someone.

Voice: Yes. Project SkankHunt needs a special guest. And I promised you will all get your revenge. So I'm sending some of you to South Park now.

Nathan and Mimsy get teleported.

And so did Scott.

Gregory: Actually I don't really...Oh I guess I'm being teleported screw it.

Trent: It's damn time I got my revenge.

Trent pulled out his gun.

Trent is than teleported.

Clyde: What is the use of me boss?

Voice: I just need you to film the moment.

Clyde: So, despite my awesome power and ultimate evil spirit. You decided to use me as a cameraman?

Voice: Yeah.

Clyde: I guess that's cool.

Testaburger residence.

Wendy: Stan we have to do something.

Stan: I don't know if there's anything we can do.

Sean: Wendy me and your Mom are gonna check up on your uncle.

Wendy: Ok Dad.

Deborah: Be safe dear.

Wendy: I will Mom.

Sean and Deborah left the house.

Wendy: Well at least we have this place to ourselves.

Stan was about to exit.

Wendy: Stan where are you going?

Stan: Wendy I need to check if my family is ok.

Wendy: Stan, can I come?

Stan: Wendy, I need to you to stay here for safety.

Wendy: But Stan. I don't wanna be alone in the events of an alien invasion.

Stan got a little frustrated.

Stan: Alright Wendy.

Stan and Wendy left the house.

Broflovski residence.

Shiela was holding onto Ike.

Shiela: Everything is gonna be ok Ike. Everything is gonna be ok.

Ike: Oh Stop Crying Mommy.

Gerald was about to exit the house.

Shiela: Where are you going Gerald?

Gerald: I can't get a call out of anybody. I need to check if everyone's ok.

Kyle: Dad. Can I come? I need to check if Stan's ok.

Gerald: Ok Kyle. Shiela you coming?

Shiela: No I'm staying here with Ike.

Gerald: Alright Shelia. Come on Kyle.

Gerald and Kyle exit the house.

Shiela: I hope everyone's ok Ike. Your Dad is a good man.

Ike looked down on the floor.

Ike: Mommy.

Shiela: Yes Ike?

Ike: If we die. I need to tell you something about Da Da.

Shiela: What is it Ike?

Meanwhile.

PC Principal was driving in his car trying to get to Strong Woman.

PC Principal: Oh bro! I hope they're ok. I would hurt myself if they're not ok.

Suddenly PC Principal was stopped by two cops.

Police Officer 1: License and registration.

PC Principal: Bro. I need to get past, my client and her children are in danger.

Police Officer 1: Client?

PC Principal: I'm a manny.

Police Officer: I know.

PC Principal: Yes it's pretty hard being a...Huh? Wait how do you know I'm a manny?

Police Officer 2: You moron. We were supposed to keep ourselves secret.

PC Principal: What do you mean?

Police Officer 1: Do you have any idea who we are?

PC Principal: No.

Police Officer 2 pulled a gun out of his pocket.

Police Officer 2: 44. Magnum. Signature weapon of Dirty Harry. Has a good range of-

Suddenly Police Officer 2 was disintegrated.

Police Officer 1: Huh?

Suddenly Police Officer 1 was disintegrated.

PC Principal was shocked to discover who saved him.

It was Jimmy wearing some sunglasses and holding a Funnybot gun.

Jimmy: PC Principal, c-c-c-c-c-Come with me i-i-i-if you want to l-l-l-l-live.

PC Principal: The children!

PC Principal exited his car.

Jimmy: There's no-no-no-no time. The chil-chil-children will be screwed if you go af-af-after them.

PC Principal: How do you know Valmer? Or are you just trying to trick me because you hate the PC culture?

Jimmy: I may hate the PC cul-cul-culture. But you're still a hu-hu-human being.

PC Principal: Why did you kill those people?

Jimmy: Those weren't pe-pe-pe-people. They were ads.

PC Principal: Ads?

Jimmy: Yes.

PC Principal: How did you know?

Jimmy: Well these glasses hel-hel-help me see who is an-an-an-an ad and who is-is-is-is-isn't.

PC Principal: Why were they trying to kill me?.

Jimmy: Because ever since you killed Leslie, the Ad's are get-get-get-getting stronger or weak-weak-weak-weaker. I mean did you see-see-see-see how I took them out. And I saw how you handled Leslie im-im-im-impressive. Right now PC Prin-prin-Principal. We have a com-com-common enemy. From what I've heard there's a pow-pow-power source at Tegridy Farms if we take the b-b-b-bus. We might make it. We need to put our diff-diff-differences aside and work together to stop them.

Pc Principal: I suppose you're right Valmer. But couldn't we take my car?

Suddenly PC Principal's car blew up.

Jimmy: I also forgot to men-men-mention they placed a bomb underneath.

PC Principal: That does it. The ad's have messed with the PC culture for the last time!

PC Principal picked up the cop's gun and loaded it.

Jimmy: Come PC Principal we-we-we have work to do.

PC Principal: I hope the children and Strong Woman will be fine.

Meanwhile.

Mr Mackey was actually babysitting the PC babies again and they were crying.

Mr Mackey: Why did Strong Woman have to visit her Mother on this day? Mmkay.

Meanwhile.

Cartman, Butters and Nelly were still in the school.

Butters: I can't stay here. We have to do something.

Cartman: Well we're not going home.

Nelly: Why?

Cartman: Because there's an alien spaceship bitch.

Butters: Don't call my girlfriend a bitch!

Cartman: Bitch!

Butters: That does it!

Butters punched Cartman.

Butters: Sorry honey.

Nelly: That's alright babe.

Suddenly Nathan and Mimsy burst into the room along with Scott Tenorman.

Cartman: Scott?

Scott: Good Evening ladies and gentlemen. We are tonight's entertainment.

Nelly: Um. Actually there's one. And FYI that was a very poor Dark Knight reference.

Butters: Oh hey Nathan. Hey Mimsy.

Nathan pulled his gun and held them hostage.

Nathan: Stop it with the being nice bullshit Butters. I'm gonna ask you politely. Where is Jimmy?

Butters and Nelly hugged each other in fear.

Butters: I don't know where Jimmy is.

Nathan: Liar you do!

Butters: I'm serious I don't!

Mimsy: Tell my boss now or otherwise I'll rate your girlfriend.

Nathan: Don't you mean rape Mimsy?

Mimsy: No I mean rate. Where you force a woman to have sex with you.

Nathan: That's rape Mimsy.

Mimsy: Oh! Can I rape her?

Nathan punches Mimsy.

Nathan: Shut up Mimsy!

Scott: Well Eric, we meet again. Will you be prepared to come with me?

Eric: Scott I-

Scott: I insist.

Cartman: Jesus Christ ok.

Scott: Good. Beam us up Scotty.

Nothing happened.

Scott: I said beam me up Scotty.

Cartman: Who's Scotty?

Scott: Excuse me.

Scott got his phone out.

Scott: Funnybot what the hell are you doing? You were supposed to beam me and my brother up!...I don't care if you were trying to kill Amy Schumer. We need you to beam us up!..."Was I referring you to Scotty?" Yes I was! What's wrong with a Star Trek reference?!...Alright you ready?! Good!

Scott hung up his phone.

Scott: Nathan, Mimsy guard them two.

Scott and Cartman were beamed up to the ship and so were Butters and Nelly.

Nathan: I thought we were supposed to be guarding them two.

Alien spaceship.

Cartman, Scott, Nelly and Butters arrived on the spaceship.

Scott: Goddammit Funnybot. I said just me and Eric!

Funnybot Pryor: Well you weren't the one who was crushed by tons of debris, causing my brain chip to malfunction.

Scott: You know what Funnybot? Fuck you!

Voice: Scott! He wasn't the one who teleported Butters and Nelly. I was.

Scott: What?! Why?

Voice: I needed them for a little something. Because I am gonna tell them the identity of a certain someone.

Cartman: Who?

Voice: You'll see.

Clyde (Regular): Sorry guys. He really likes to be vague.

Clyde (Evil): Hey I told you to shut up.

Clyde (Regular): Sorry.

Cartman: Why the fuck is Clyde here?

Clyde (Regular): Sorry Guys I have this-

Suddenly Clyde grabbed his head and fell onto his knees screaming in pain.

Clyde (Regular): I'm sorry. I'll shut up.

Scott: Eric. You and I are gonna have a conversation.

Voice: Be quick Tenorman. Our guest will be here shortly.

Meanwhile.

Jimmy and PC Principal were still looking for ads.

PC Principal: How did you acquire those glasses anyway?

Jimmy: I got them f-f-f-from Keith David during a con-con-con-convention. He told me on the set of They L-l-l-Live Roddy Piper was at w-w-w-w-war with the ads himself. That every extra that showed up Roddy would k-k-kill because they were ads. The Ads got their revenge 28 years later when they k-k-killed him in his sleep.

PC Principal: But reports said Roddy died of a cardiac arrest.

Jimmy: That's w-w-w-what the ads wanted us to believe.

A bus stops.

Driver: Hey do you need a lift?

PC Principal: Sure thing.

PC Principal and Jimmy entered the bus and took a seat.

Driver: I'm looking for people who wanna evacuate the town, since that spaceship showed up.

Jimmy puts on his glasses.

Jimmy: P-P-P-PC Principal

PC Principal: What?

Jimmy: The driver's an ad.

PC Principal: What? We should get out.

Jimmy: No. Once everyone is-is-is off the bus. We take out the dri-dri-dri-driver

A Passenger: Excuse me, have you ever thought of going to the video game store and buying Mortal Kombat 11?

PC Principal: No I have not.

Jimmy: Why did you randomly come-come-come out with that?

A Passenger: Just trying to make conversation. You should also play, Wolfenstien Young Blood.

Jimmy: Hold on.

Jimmy looked around some more.

Jimmy: Ev-ev-ev-everyone on this bus is an ad!

A passenger got out of his seat revealing himself to be a suicide bomber.

PC Principal grabbed Jimmy and jumped out of the window.

Once they jumped out the bus blew up.

Jimmy: L-L-L-looks like we're walking.

Meanwhile.

Stan and Wendy were standing by the bus stop to Tegridy Farms.

Stan: The bus isn't usually this late.

Wendy: Maybe because of the spaceship, all the buses are out of commission.

Suddenly a bus engulfed in flames stopped in front of them.

Stan: What the?

Suddenly a skeleton covered in blue goo walked out of the bus, Stan and Wendy froze in fear. But the skeleton collapsed.

Stan: What the hell?!

Wendy: Now what?

Stan: Looks like we're walking.

Suddenly they heard the sound of bottles breaking.

Trent showed up from behind a bush.

Trent: Hello Stan.

Stan: Trent I thought you went back to prison.

Trent: I did. But I had help from a Hugh Grant wannabe.

Gregory: Trent don't call me that!

Stan turned around to see Gregory.

Stan and Wendy are shocked to see him.

Gregory: Oh don't worry! I'm not here to kill-

Trent: Gregory, help me out a little.

Gregory: Very well.

Wendy: Gregory, why are you joining him?

Gregory: Isn't it obvious Wendy? We want our revenge.

Trent: Our lives we ruined by that little shit! I want revenge on Stan for locking me up and Gregory wants revenge on Stan for taking you away from him.

Gregory: Trent I mean come on that's-

Wendy: Oh my God! Gregory! You're are so immature!

Gregory: You dumped me for him!

Wendy: We were never dating!

Gregory: You hugged me!

Wendy: So friends aren't aloud to hug?!

Stan: You did kind of have a "I want him" look when he was taking over an organisation! I Organised!

Wendy: I was getting sleepy eyes!

Gregory: I am aware of all your break ups. First one seemed fine, 2nd one dick move for Stan and 3rd one Wendy you are a bitch!

Stan: So what?

Trent: You're just a Hugh Grant wannabe!

Gregory: Stop calling me that!

Stan: Trent I'm not gonna lie, that was a good one.

Gregory: I wasn't out for revenge at first, but now you leave me no choice.

Gregory got his sword out and Trent got his switchblade out of his pocket.

Gregory: Wait didn't you have a gun earlier?

Trent: I did, until some PC guy knocked me out and took it from me.

Gregory: Oh. Well let's- Hey where did they go?

Trent: Nice going Hugh Grant wannabe!

Gregory: I am getting tired of your behaviour Trent.

Stan and Wendy were running.

Wendy: Jesus! Why did I fall for him?

Stan: I thought you said you didn't have any feelings for him!

Meanwhile.

Kyle and his Dad were still driving.

Gerald: Alright Kyle, we're going to check on the Tweeks. I hope their son and his boyfriend are ok.

Kyle: Dad, if this is our last time on Earth...

Gerald: Go on Kyle.

Kyle: Will you admit that you're SkankHunt42?

Gerald: Kyle, I don't wanna reveal myself as a troll.

Kyle: Dad. What you've caused at my school really destroyed people and their relationships! And you caused the Gender war!

Gerald: Kyle, the war was caused by some intolerable bitch who likes to blame men for trolling! Wait you sure you didn't describe Brie Larson?

Kyle: Goddamnit Dad!

Gerald: Yeah.

Kyle: That was amazing!

Suddenly Gerald and Kyle were glowing.

Kyle: What the?

Gerald and Kyle disappear leaving the car empty.

The spaceship.

Kyle: What the?

Butters: Oh hey Kyle and hey Mr Broflovski.

Gerald: Hey Butters, Hey Nelly. How's your relationship?

Nelly: Still Strong. I mean if it wasn't for SkankHunt42 making me hate the boys and Butters, than we wouldn't be together.

Butters: That was a weird thing you just said babe.

Nelly: I know.

Gerald (Whispering to Kyle): See my trolling does good things.

Kyle: Fuck off Dad.

Meanwhile in some random room.

Cartman: Why are you doing this Scott?

Scott: Because Eric, I wanna talk about all this, instead of begging for my revenge.

Cartman: Ok.

Scott: Do you have any idea how eating my parents and being humiliated by Radiohead made me feel?

Cartman: I don't care Scott.

Scott: It made me feel depressed. I had months of therapy to try and help me cope with this. It didn't help. But all I thought was about revenge and eventually I did get my revenge on you. I was shocked to discover you were my brother. I did plan another revenge, but for that you shot my leg.

Cartman: You sure this isn't a recap for a bunch of retards who don't keep track on what's going on?

Outside.

Clyde (Regular): Whoah he shot his leg.

Clyde (Evil): How many times do I have to tell you?

Inside

Scott: But I don't wanna kill you or humiliate you this time Eric

Cartman: What than?

Scott: I...want...to...help you.

Cartman: What?

Scott: I overreacted. In the right way. But I'm not evil Eric. I'm just fucked up. Like you, and I wanna help you with your problem. Eric can you tell why you're like this?

Cartman: Because Scott, I don't really know how to be a good person. Because every night my Mom would go out and fuck a few guys, leaving me alone with some drunk babysitter. He was rude. He was racist. And he didn't have any friends so he was perfect. I hate being the way I am Scott. I really do.

Cartman starts crying

Scott: Wow! I don't believe it. You're just a harmless child who was tormented by an evil bastard to become something worse. Eric I am so sorry, as your brother how can I help? I will do anything.

Cartman: Anything?

Scott: Anything little bro.

Cartman: Could help me identify the smell on this napkin?

Scott: Um. Ok.

Scott sniffed the napkin.

Scott: Smells of a lot of herbs and spices.

Cartman: Like from a certain dish?

Scott: Maybe, like a pizza or soup or...

Cartman: Chilli?

Scott: Huh?

Cartman grabbed a bag of chilli from his pocket and Scott starts to have a panic attack.

Cartman: Do you wanna know why I'm so fucked up Scott? It's not because of some drunk babysitter, I was just born that way. I don't care what people think of me. I just enjoy what I do. I don't think of myself as evil or chaotic. I think of myself as a person doing the right thing but in a, shall we say, extreme way?

Scott: Deliver us from evil! Deliver us from evil!

Cartman left the cell.

Cartman: He's gonna need a lot of therapy.

Clyde (Evil): Ok. The big man wants to see ya.

Meanwhile.

PC Principal: How far to Tegridy Farms?

Jimmy: About 1-1-1-1-1-100 minutes.

PC Principal: Ok. We may have to be quick though.

Suddenly they were held at gunpoint by Nathan and Mimsy.

Nathan: Hello Jimmy. PC Principal.

Jimmy: Nathan. Wha-wha-What are you doing?

Mimsy: We're gonna kill you.

Nathan punches Mimsy.

Nathan: Shut up Mimsy!

Mimsy: Why? I was being honest.

Nathan: I just wanna do the talking.

Jimmy: Nathan. I wanna ask some-some-something before you kill us.

Nathan: What makes you think I wanna kill PC Principal?

Mimsy: Because I have him at gunpoint boss.

Nathan: Ok. Since we don't want any witnesses we'll kill him as well. Go on Jimmy, what do you want to ask me?

Jimmy: Why do you hate me? Wha-wha-wha-What have I done to you to make-make you hate me?

Nathan: Jimmy. I hate you because you win every year at the Camp Tardicaca games and your comedy. It is awful I hate it; people laugh at you because they feel sorry for you. But whatever I do, they just boo me or just clap slowly like this...

Nathan does a slow clap.

Nathan: And you're always so positive, using words like "I mean come on" or "what a terrific audience". It pisses me off Jimmy. I hate how you get so much respect and love from your parents and what do I get? Nothing! Mimsy kill him!

Suddenly Nathan was knocked out.

PC Principal: Huh?

Mimsy: Boss, you ok?

Suddenly Mimsy was knocked out.

It was by Mysterion.

Mysterion: Hello Valmer, PC Principal.

Jimmy: Ken-I mean Mysterion, wha-wha-what are you doing here?

Mysterion: Going to that UFO. It's currently flying over Tegridy Farms and judging by Funnybot's presence it's threatening. So I plan to blow it up with this man made bomb my parents made when they briefly joined ISIS. How about you two?

Jimmy: We're going to Teg-Teg-Teg-Tegridy Farms to stop the ads. But I don't think we're gonna make-make-make it.

PC Principal: There's a car.

It was the Broflovski's car.

PC Principal: And the keys are still in the ignition.

They enter the car.

Mysterion: Where did you get that gun Jimmy?

Jimmy: New-New-New York.

Mysterion: Cool.

Meanwhile.

Cartman: Hey why did he call us here?

Voice: How do you know I'm a he? I could be a she.

Gerald: Just who are you? And what do you want with us?

Voice: Well I'm glad you asked SkankHunt42.

The voice came out of the shadow to reveal a very familiar face to Gerald.

Cartman: I know him.

Butters: Who is he?

Gerald: No! I killed you.

It was Lennart Bedrager and he was wearing shades.

Lennart: Welcome to my empire SkankHunt42.

Kyle: Lennart Bedrager.

Nelly: The creator of TrollTrace.

Gerald: Impossible. I killed you.

Lennart: Sort of. I did die, but I was revived. But...

Lennart removed his glasses to reveal no eyes.

Lennart: At a cost. I am looking at SkankHunt42 am I?

Nelly: Yeah. You are looking at him. He's the bulging fat ass.

Cartman: Hey bitch I am not fat and I am not SkankHunt42!

Butters: Don't call my girlfriend a bitch!

Lennart: Hold on I forgot. Funnybot Pryor, ray shields.

Suddenly spotlights shone on the hostages.

Nelly: What the?

Lennart: Ray shields. So you don't murder each other when I reveal SkankHunt42's identity.

Nelly: I know who he is. Eric Cartman.

Butters: Nelly, I hate to tell you but it's not Eric.

Lennart: He's right. It's the Jew.

Cartman: Ha! I knew it was you Khal!

Lennart: Close.

Cartman: Huh?

Butters: If it's not Cartman, Nelly, me or Kyle than it's...Oh hamburgers!

They all look at Gerald.

Lennart: I'm glad you figured it out. But when everyone is here, I will reveal it to the world.

Butters: Why didn't you tell anyone Kyle?

Cartman: Yeah. Khal! I was getting fingers pointed by everyone! And you didn't bother to tell us that your Dad was the evil son of a bitch! You son of a troll!

Nelly: I was right. It was a boy, sort of.

Gerald: Now I only did it because it was funny.

Butters, Nelly and Cartman: How was it funny?

Meanwhile.

Stan and Wendy were in a random field.

Stan: Almost there. I hope they haven't followed us.

Wendy: Stan, about what I said about me falling for Gregory I-

Stan: Wendy. I'm not like that. I get it, it was a small crush. I'm not like the Fan Fiction version of myself, I mean seriously, why did Scott make me so whiny?

Wendy: Stan, do you remember our first kiss?

Stan: Yeah. The end of the Great Canada war. You just pulled me and than kissed me. And I threw up on you. Why did you ask me?

Wendy: Because this is where we first kissed.

Stan: Oh yeah. It was amazing.

Gregory: Oh yeah. And than you said "Fuck Gregory! Fuck him right in the ear"

Gregory and Trent were behind them.

Trent: You didn't know it but we were following you

Stan: Oh Fuck!

Trent held them at gunpoint.

Trent: Now Stan. Hold still so I can shoot you.

Gregory: Yes kill them.

Trent: No I was just gonna shoot him in the leg.

Gregory: Really Trent? You just wanna shoot him in the leg? After everything he's done to you? Making your Mom never love you again. Becoming a disappointment in her eyes. So why don't you stop being a pussy and pull the trigger?!

Trent aimed the gun at Stan.

Stan: Trent, your Mom misses you. She misses you every day.

Trent: How do you know?

Stan: Because, look at her Facebook.

Stan showed Trent his Mom's Facebook.

And it says how much she misses her son on every photo.

Trent: Because of what you did, my Mom misses me and she's depressed.

Gregory: Come on Wendy you must know what Stan did!

Wendy: Gregory, Stan was only 3 years old he didn't know what he was doing.

Gregory: Trent, what are you doing? Kill him!

Trent: Wait all this time, I was begging for revenge but we were only 3 years old, we didn't know what we were doing we were just young and stupid. It wasn't your fault Stan, it was my fault I should've just said no.

Gregory: What the fuck are you doing!? Shoot him! He caused you all this pain and this is what you do? You just wimp like a little girl like him? Fuck you! You're a killer that's what Stan made you! A monster! A bad guy! He's the bad guy! Not you!

Trent: No! We're not the bad guy. It's you.

Trent shoots Gregory in the head.

Trent: Who's the killer now?

Stan: Trent?

Trent: Stan, I forgive you. But I am definitely going to juvenile for life after killing somebody for real. So maybe I should run. See ya around Stan.

Trent ran off.

Stan: Well, I guess running was pointless. Come on let's get back to your-

Wendy suddenly kisses Stan.

Wendy: Sorry. I wanted to relive this moment.

Gregory: Ow! My head.

Gregory was somehow alive despite a bullet hole in his head.

Wendy: Fuck you Gregory. Fuck you right in the ear!

Gregory: Damn!

Gregory collapsed.

Suddenly Stan and Wendy disappeared.

The Spaceship.

Stan: What the?

Lennart: Ray shields.

Suddenly Stan and Wendy were trapped in a spotlight together.

Lennart: I find it fitting that you two. Should share the spotlight.

Butters: Hey how come me and Nelly aren't sharing a spotlight?

Funnybot Pryor: Plot holes are for comment sections only.

Stan: Lennart Bedrager? I thought he was dead.

Kyle: Stan?

Stan: Hey Kyle. How's it going?

Kyle: Not good dude.

Stan: Why?

Kyle: You can tell him if you want Cartman.

Cartman: Alright Kyle. I have mentally crippled Scott Tenorman and also Kyle's Dad is SkankHunt42.

Stan: What?

Wendy: What?!

Kyle: I didn't know he was the troll until he went to Denmark.

Wendy: And you couldn't have used the information to stop the war? Make the students wake up and realise they were being played?! Why didn't you tell us Kyle? Why didn't you tell us?!

Stan still stood in shock.

Lennart: Oh little SkankHunt42 is losing all his friends.

Gerald: Don't compare my son to me. He is not like that!

Wendy: Why did you do it though?

Gerald: Because it was funny.

Stan: That is not exactly a good reason.

Meanwhile.

Jimmy, Mysterion and PC Principal made it to Tegridy Farms.

Jimmy: According to the tracker I also got from K-k-k-Keith David it should be in that windmill.

Mysterion looked at the bomb.

Mysterion: Here have this.

Mysterion hands the bomb to PC Principal.

PC Principal: Huh?

Mysterion: You need this to deactivate the ads.

Jimmy: Mysterion. You don't have anything to de-de-de-destroy the UFO.

Mysterion: Funnybot tech has always been messy so it will be probably something obvious like Amy Schumer comedy.

Jimmy: You need this.

Jimmy hands Mysterion the gun.

Mysterion: Thanks.

Mysterion exited the car.

Mysterion uses his grappling hook to get to the UFO.

Mysterion enters the UFO through the window and sneaks around.

Mysterion: I hope it works.

Meanwhile.

PC Principal and Jimmy enter a windmill.

PC Principal: I hope there will be no one to stop us from saving the world of the PC culture's greatest enemies.

Jimmy: The scanner is saying it's right upstairs.

Jimmy and PC Principal go upstairs.

On the top floor and found a giant energy ball.

PC Principal: Right place the bomb and lets blow it.

Voice: No I won't allow it.

The voice belonged to Leslie.

PC Principal: Leslie!

Leslie: I won't let you destroy the ads PC Principal the ads will rise, we will conquer the world. Wipe out all the world leaders and-

Suddenly Leslie had a bullet hole in her head.

PC Principal: Huh?

Turned out Jimmy was the one who shot Leslie.

Jimmy: What? I had too.

PC Principal: I could've handled her.

Jimmy: No-No-No. You were just gonna let her monologue than get into a fist fight th-th-th-than eventually kill her.

PC Principal: Enough talk. Let's blow this orb sky high.

PC Principal placed the bomb on the orb and grabbed Jimmy and jumped out of the windmill.

Running as fast as they could. They made it to a safe point and watch as the windmill blows up.

PC Principal: We did it.

Jimmy: The ads are g-g-g-gone for good.

Behind them were Randy and Towelie getting high.

Randy: Wow. These fireworks are amazing.

Towelie: You can say that again. Wait Randy wasn't that the windmill you built?

Randy: I don't remember building a windmill to be honest.

Meanwhile.

Lennart: Are we ready to broadcast Clyde?

Clyde (Evil): Yeah.

Lennart: Good. Once I show the world that you are SkankHunt42, the Danish government will have to relaunch and I will start World War 3.

Suddenly there was a beeping.

Lennart: That will be the Danish Prime Minister.

Gerald: Lennart. This needs to stop. You are gonna cause the deaths of countless innocents, do you have a family? A daughter.

Nelly: Oh. Now you suddenly care about women after all you did?

Gerald: Are you just gonna keep giving me the cold shoulder?

The screen came on and on the screen was Mette Frederiksen.

The current Prime Minister of Denmark.

Lennart: Miss Frederiksen. I am honoured to meet you. I must say you are looking fine.

Mette Frederiksen: _Thank you Mr Bedrager._

Lennart: I have him right here SkankHunt forty-

Mette Frederiksen: _I'm not gonna launch TrollTrace._

Lennart: What?

Mette Frederiksen: _I'm not gonna launch TrollTrace._

Lennart: Why?

Mette Frederiksen: _Because I learnt more about TrollTrace. TrollTrace will give information to foreign governments causing us to become vulnerable and cause World War 3. That and I also don't want my ex husband, Erik to know what I said about him after our divorce._

Lennart: But I have SkankHunt42.

Mette:_ I don't care if he's a Funnybot._

Lennart was actually pointing at Funnybot Pryor.

Funnybot Pryor: It is an honour meeting you Miss Frederiksen.

Mette Frederiksen: _I don't care. Goodbye Mr Bedrager._

Lennart: Wait!

Mette turned off the screen.

Gerald: Looks like you won't be starting World War 3 you son of a bitch!

Lennart: No No!

Clyde (Regular): Can I take over?

Clyde (Evil): Well the evil plan has fucked up so, yeah.

Clyde (Regular): Finally.

Clyde disappeared.

Clyde: What the-

Lennart: Clyde did you film any of this? Clyde? Are you there?

Funnybot Pryor: Um Clyde is gone.

Lennart: What?

Funnybot Pryor: Yeah Evil Clyde told me. If he allowed his pathetic normal self to return than I should return him home.

Lennart: Dammit. Kill them!

Funnybot Pryor: As you wish.

Funnybot Pryor deactivates the ray shields.

Stan, Wendy, Kyle, Gerald, Butters, Nelly and Cartman froze in fear.

Funnybot Pryor: Hold still! You shall be exterminated! Exterminated! Exterminated!

Suddenly Gerald, Stan, Wendy, Kyle, Butters, Cartman and Nelly disappeared.

Funnybot Pryor: Awkward.

Lennart: Why? Did you kill them?

Funnybot Pryor: Um.

Suddenly the spaceship started to explode all around them.

Lennart: What's going on?

Funnybot Pryor: Somebody blew up the main reactor!

Lennart: How? We didn't abduct anyone else.

Funnybot Pryor: I know. Somebody snuck onboard and blew up the main reactor. Somebody found out the weakness.

Earlier.

Mysterion was sneaking in the vents.

Mysterion: Now I know what a TV dinner feels like.

Mysterion jumped out of the vent and accidentally dropped his weapon.

Mysterion: Shit!

The weapon caused a loud bang when it hit the floor.

Mysterion: Fuck!

But luckily it fell into a room filled with deactivated Funnybots.

Mysterion started laughing.

Christophe (Ze mole): Laugh all you want you fucking asshole. But you can't get passed me.

Mysterion and Christophe get into a fist fight.

Causing both of them to have a nose bleed.

Christophe started to press his thumbs into Mysterion's eyes. But Mysterion kicked Christophe in the balls, causing Christophe to stop.

Mysterion: Why are you doing this?

Christophe did a roundhouse kick knocking Kenny into the room with the Funnybots.

Christophe: Goodbye Myszerion.

As soon as Mysterion got up the Funnybots activate.

Funnybot: Awkward.

Funnybot 2: Awkward.

Funnybot 3: Awkward.

Funnybots: Awkward! Awkward!

Mysterion ran as fast as he could as the Funnybots continued to repeat awkward.

Mysterion hid in a corner.

Mysterion: Huh?

Mysterion noticed a map.

Mysterion: Why did they leave a convenient map here?

Flashback to 3 weeks earlier.

It was back when Funnybot Pryor and Lennart were building the UFO.

Lennart: Are we almost done?

Funnybot Pryor: Yes,

Lennart: I do have one question. Why do we need a map of the entire UFO?

Funnybot Pryor: Well it's a big place so everyone's gonna get lost. Also how did you see it?

Lennart: Trent told me. Back on the subject. But it would be easy for somebody to find the reactor if somebody planned to blow it up.

Funnybot Pryor: Well I don't want the janitor to get lost.

Janitor: Mr Bedrager he does have a point I don't wanna get lost.

Lennart: Are you both fucking stupid?! I don't want people to find the reactor. Alright, all in favour of keeping the map!

Everyone except Lennart raised their hands.

Lennart: And all in favour of getting rid of the map.

Lennart was the only one who raised his hand.

Lennart: Fine! The map stays.

Present Day.

Mysterion made it to the reactor.

Mysterion: Ok this looks like it.

Suddenly Mysterion got tackled by Christophe.

Mysterion and Christophe get into a fist fight, blocking every punch they make.

Christophe: I won't lez you allow it!

Mysterion: I need to blow it up!

Mysterion and Christophe continued to their fist fight.

They eventually burst into the reactor room.

Mysterion and Christophe continued their fist fight and Mysterion was getting pounded and was knocked down.

Mysterion: Fuck!

Christophe: Your weak McCormick. Oh yes I know who you are. Quite easy to be honest. Once I've done with you I will take care of your assholes of parents...

Mysterion (Talking to himself): Oh please do.

Christophe: I will than deal with your drunk brother and than your little vulnerable, precious, cute little sister.

Mysterion got angry.

Christophe: Oh you care for her. What about your parents? What about your brother? Oh you don't care what I will do to zhem apart from your sister. I will kill her last, and her death will be slow and nice and...hold on just trying to zhink of some more threatening words.

Mysterion screamed and tackled Christophe, they both fell into the reactor.

Christophe: You cock sucking asshole. We'll both die.

Mysterion: Death is an old friend.

They both fell to their deaths causing the reactor to explode.

Later

Stan, Wendy, Kyle, Nelly, Butters, Cartman and Gerald land on Tegridy Farms and watch as the spaceship blows.

Cartman: Yeah! Fuck you!

Kyle: Wait wasn't your brother on that ship?

Cartman: He'll be fine.

Gerald: Thank God that's over. Bedrager's probably dead, no World War 3 and all thanks to a badass Prime Minister and some unknown cause of destruction and unknown escape.

Butters: I think you owe us an apology mister.

Gerald: Why?

Nelly: Everything you did, the war.

Cartman: My reputation.

Wendy: And that god forsaken movement.

Gerald: Do you want an apology?

Nelly: It would be nice.

Stan: I think he deserves a proper punishment.

Stan grabbed the Funnybot's disintegration gun and aimed it at Gerald.

Gerald held his hands up.

Wendy: Stan!

Kyle: Dad!

Stan held it, he had anger in his eyes.

Stan: Why did you do it Mr Broflovski? Why? Because of what you did. I lost Wendy again and you caused the Gender war and made me a part of a movement I didn't wanna be a part of. But I did because I was scared and I didn't know what to do!

Gerald: Stan! It was because it was funny!

Stan: Bullshit. You just wanted a reaction!

Gerald: Stan, kill me and there will be no professional lawyer in town to defend you if you kill me.

Stan thought for a moment, than turned his gun on Kyle.

Kyle: Stan! Why the fuck are you pointing that gun at me?

Stan: You could've stopped it! You should've just came clean and told everyone the truth and the war continued! Why Kyle? Why didn't you tell anyone?

Kyle: Because he's my Dad.

Stan turned his gun on Gerald.

Gerald: Turn the gun back to Kyle!

Kyle: Dad! Why the fuck do you want him to turn the gun on me?

Gerald: Well you didn't tell anyone the truth so. If anyone should deserve it, it should be you.

Kyle: You are such an asshole!

Stan pointed the gun back at Kyle.

Kyle: Oh there you go again. Look I didn't know about what my Dad was doing. Until he went to Denmark.

Stan pointed the gun back at Gerald

Kyle: I thought it was wrong but if it weren't for him trolling he would've stopped World War 3 the first time. Think about it Stan

Stan: Again. You didn't tell anyone.

Stan pointed the gun back at Kyle

Stan: Why?

Kyle: Because he's my Dad!

Stan: If my Dad was making meth because he had cancer I would tell the police at least.

Gerald: If you had the balls Kyle! To tell anyone, what would you tell them?

Stan pointed the gun back at Gerald.

Gerald: Just shoot somebody. I don't care who it is anymore, I deserve it.

Stan: Get out of my way.

Gerald moves out of Stan's way.

Behind Gerald was Funnybot Pryor.

Stan pulled the trigger disintegrating Funnybot.

Stan dropped the gun and fell to his knees and started to cry.

Wendy ran up to Stan and hugged him.

Wendy: Stan. It's ok. It's ok. I'm here. I'm here.

Kyle walked up to Stan.

Kyle: Stan I-

Stan got up and punched Kyle

Kyle: What the fuck was that for?!

Stan: You could've stopped the war Kyle! You could've stopped the war!

Kyle: Stan I-

Stan: I thought I was your best friend Kyle. Your super best friend.

A teary eyed Stan ran off.

Wendy: Stan!

Wendy gave Kyle a dirty look and followed Stan.

Cartman, Butters and Nelly also gave Kyle dirty looks.

Cartman: I knew you were a dirty Jew Khal.

Cartman, Butters and Nelly walked off.

Gerald: Come on Kyle.

Broflovski residence.

Gerald and Kyle entered the house.

Gerald: Shiela I'm home.

Shiela was sitting on the couch giving Gerald a stern look.

Gerald: What?

Ike showed up from behind the couch.

Ike: She knows Da Da.

Shiela: Why Gerald? Why?

Gerald: Because it was-

Gerald took a heavy breath.

Gerald: I did it for no reason.

Shiela: Did you have any idea how much damage you caused?!

Gerald: Shiela, I-

Shiela: Get out Gerald! Get out!

Gerald: Shiela.

Shiela: GET THE FUCK OUT GERALD!

Gerald exited the house.

Shiela's anger suddenly turned into sadness as she ran upstairs to cry.

Ike: I'm sorry Kyle. I had to do the right thing.

Kyle: I know Ike. I know.


End file.
